Potential Energy

Sometimes when I am observing, let’s say, a political debate…I’ll realize that I don’t have enough information to really form an opinion or to even know what I think, in depth, on a particular issue. It has nothing to do with my capacity for understanding but rather the lack of possessing enough data in that arena. I also realize that if I took the time to gain more knowledge and information on a given topic, that it will allow me to help to foster greater understanding. I would be prepared to offer my view, to try to see the “bigger picture” by looking at all sides, to form analogies where analogies might not have been created and to perhaps fuel epiphanies for both myself and others. I feel I have the potential to do that and that this is where my part as an instrument also comes in but first I must process more information on a given subject. In order to really think about something on your own requires more information to work with. There’s so much to absorb.

When I think of how much there is to learn, it can be overwhelming…but I also think it’s amazing and inspiring. I feel this way when I enter bookstores or libraries. I feel this intense sense of urgency…like I just want to open up the top of my head and dump everything inside all at once.

But of course that’s not possible. I do, however, tend to prefer the autodidactic approach when it comes to learning and seek and use resources accordingly. A good place to start would be to make a list of books I’d like to read and order them through Amazon…and check off items on that list as I complete each book. I also don’t strive to just read or know about things I am comfortable or agree with. You can’t gain understanding and and cultivate and gain awareness by doing that.

This would fit well into the idea of doing and learning something new -every- day.

Why not utilize potential energy? I don’t think most people do in a progressive sense. We get wrapped up in so many mundane and petty dramas. It’s blinding. It’s distracting and over the span of our lives, it might tragic and wasteful.

Aspirations

So where do I want to take my writing? What do I see for my future?

Well, that’s the thing. There are so many roads to take but the first ones that come to mind are in the realm of:

1. developing a story for an RPG game (ideally for a console)
2. setting up a strong foundation for character profiles and the world they inhabit (series of children’s’ books or novels)
3. screen writing for television
4. detailed and descriptive content for creating a lifestyle brand out of my Pink Laughter Kingdom world concept

These are some goals I’d like to accomplish. Right now, goal 1, 2 and 4 take center stage and in that union, 1 and 4 are the biggest targets.

I don’t have all of the answers when it comes to how I will accomplish these goals. Like I mentioned before, this is all new territory for me. So I am learning as I go along and finding out how I will organize some of these plans….all the while acclimating to the writing process again.

I keep thinking of the quote, “If you build it, they will come.” I certainly think that applies here.

As for Pink Laughter Kingdom, I realize this is going to take awhile. I will need to do a lot of research for referencing. For example, if I am going to talk about the social and political structure of the kingdom, then I need to look around at information on actual social systems of past and present to base this on. The intent is not to completely copy but to get some foundation and to innovate from that point on. This is like building a micronation. So I must think about bartering systems, form of government, currency, flag, rules, laws, principles, colors, culture and much more.

So far, I have the general idea developed for the origins of Pink Laughter Kingdom and I have a few character profiles fleshed out. I have more characters established but they are just in illustrative mode at this point. I need to take time to figure out how to build their profiles so that they fit in the world design plausibly and with other characters that have already been developed.

Inspiration & Competition

Inspiration comes from so many sources – experiences, nature, people, events, etc.

Lately, I’ve been looking at a lot of inspiring websites and businesses. I connect with a kindred energy when I sense and feel it. You can discover a lot about yourself, your true goals and passions when you pay attention to what you are drawn to. Patterns can be acknowledged and analyzed and further clarity becomes a result.

I was talking my fiance Andrew about inspiration and also about competition yesterday. What does it mean for someone to be competitive when they aspire to reach a goal or better define themselves?

I don’t necessarily see competition as bad or even destructive, but I do think there are some delusions involved in how some people view competition in themselves. For example, I remember talking with a friend and he mentioned that he hates when others are competitive and that this world would be better off without that kind of drive or focus. I asked him if he saw himself as competitive and he said, “No, I am not really competitive, although I do try to top myself and that’s different.” I told him that was competition, but just directed in a different sense and I also mentioned that he’d be surprised to discover how that inner sense of urgency is often fueled by external factors. It’s impossible to be absolutely free of that as a human being or a life form period. On a very basic level, it’s what defines some function of life and also what makes us able to survive through better adaptations.

I explained how competition with others, in the realm of individualism rather than collective consciousness and being, is not really about “others”…it IS essentially about oneself; the preservation, survival and betterment of oneself through a mode of vicarious direction which reveals values and self-truths. A competitive target could be anyone and anything…it’s just a mirror. So again, it is essentially about self. Some people are more or less external in this mode, but that’s just a different mode of how competition functions. I also think that targets of competition can’t really take or be given any personal credit given what I just mentioned…because they are mirrors. If it’s not that particular situation or person, then it will be another…given that whatever is valued is present.

I thought about this because as I was looking around at sites and profiles of people that I admire, I felt inspiration but I also felt a twinge of wanting to compete. I analyzed that and saw that it came back to the vicarious mode. There are desires inside that create standards and I wish to reach and eventually surpass those standards because it all plays a part of how I desire to define my life. I feel that definition comes from who I think I am as a person and what I think my life purpose is and should be.

If one can look at this process of analysis, one can find out if components in this “formula” create a good result or link up. Look at what makes you respond, compete, feel inspired and so forth. Look at the inner pull involved in these expressions/feelings and see if a set of standards can be realized. Once those standards are realized, think further about life purpose and self-definition and decide whether or not this all really reflects who you think you are or who you think you should be. You might have to do some “retracking” and restructuring and what comes to be realized might not even be pleasant or make sense. This sounds very exact and sequential although the process is more quantum in nature. I think it’s an important process to put oneself through. Discovery and epiphanies will come about for sure and it won’t necessarily be instant…but it will be progress nonetheless.

On a more show n’ tell note, here are few sources of innovation that I feel a connection to and am inspired by:

Illustrators/Designers Vicki Wong and Michael Murphy of Meomi
Illustrator Simone Legno of Tokidoki
Jewelry/Fashion Designer Tarina Tarantino
Illustrator(s) behind Indeepop

There are many more to list, but I’ll keep the list brief…for now.

I’ve been able to read about the history of artistic development and ambition of some of these artists and again I find them so inspiring. I’ve been working on Pink Laughter Kingdom more actively in the last month, particularly with character development. Character development is central to creating a world identity. The Pink Laughter Kingdom concept has been in my head for so long and it’s time to really push it to the next level.

In an effort to further articulate many of my visions in this realm, I will be going into an intense mode of self-education and development. I decided to check back with Gnomon School of Visual Effects for 5 week and 10 week class sessions as I work at home. The classes are 500 dollars each so that’s not too bad for 5-10 week sessions. I’d like to develop my skills in gesture, character and figure drawing, by taking some of these classes during the weekend if possible in the middle of the week, because I have a lot of ideas for character development that involve stronger skills in this area of illustration. Additionally, I think Santa Monica College has some interesting weekend classes to look into.

As I mentioned before, I’d like to develop more skills in the area of web development as well. Nothing intense or big as I am not aspiring to be a full-fledged programmer of course. I just seek development that will further help me to be self-reliant in my design projects and as an artist with greater technical skills. I am trying to lessen that chasm I spoke about in a previous entry…between artistic vision and realization.

Cool site (I so love designer toys!)…it is in Japanese, but there are many figures to look at in the products section, once going further into the site.

Good Smile Company

Writing for Self

I haven’t done much writing for self lately and I feel so much better when I do it. I think I will do this more often by either keeping some private entries with this journal or using one of my other journals to write in for self-actualization and insight.

It is scary to suddenly realize that the room you are in is much much bigger than you imagined. It can be interesting in the sense that you get to explore more territory and discover new things, but it is uncomfortable because now you are challenged to get acquainted in a completely new environment, or the structure of one, than one you’ve been used to. The environment you’ve been in has even been a part of shaping how you self-define. With a new room structure or expansion, you have to redefine yourself in very demanding ways. It requires strength, bravery, honesty and assertion. Most people are very uncomfortable with that – highly so. They’d rather pretend as if the room they are in is the same when it is not or deny that any extension exists or could exist. They’d rather stay stagnant and limited in growth. So the world and self becomes defined very static designs.

Yes change and growth along with self-realization is very disquieting and even terrifying sometimes for some, but I’d rather face that than to remain repressed and in constant delusion…holding onto this as a religion of some sort. That to me is terrifying. I can’t bring myself to accept that kind of limitation or ignorance and I can’t naturally see staying in it once I’ve seen more of something. How could I?

I seriously can’t see a meaningful life without self-insight, growth and awareness…because everything you’d stand for, believe, know or claim would be based on nothing. You are just going through the motions and prentending there’s a strong and fitting identity but it’s just a constant state of identity moratorium or at most it’s need to feel secure and safe, but agai this kind of security can be stifling, smothering and even destructive. I believe a life purpose can’t be defined or realized in this state either. Well one that is truly one’s own. Your choices can’t ever be the right fit because to know is to harmoniously choose. I believe this is each person’s journey, or at least it should be…however it develops and wherever it leads for them uniquely…but it should be a journey and challenge we all have the courage to face nonetheless.

If I had to say what my purpose (or purposes) in life was…I’d say it was to create, invent, learn and inspire…generally put. I state this generally because there are many concrete ways in which I can do these things. I do sense a strong writer’s path within and I haven’t fully tapped into that as I’ve always wanted. I wrote more in the past with utter compulsiveness but over time, that slowed down and I got distracted by other things – basically the calls of society/trying to make a way and fit within this machine, this network, this system. I’ve always known that I’ve been drawn to creative expression, art and so forth and I know that I have a spiritual purpose. I can define my path of purpose to this degree so far but I still need to invest more time to myself to further define and carve. I am not confused or ignorant of my direction and the elements of my purpose. It is this…

I have a lot of energy…it’s very intense and it’s explosive, however, it’s all over the place and I need to harness it. So it’s a blessing and a “curse” all at once. I know this.

I also know that some things about myself will continue to alienate me from many people when it comes to connecting on a deep level. I can easily be frustrated due to this and I know I can get quite impatient but as someone mentioned to me lately and validated what I knew, (and this is true) my challenge is then to learn how to communicate and relate to some people in a way in which my expression is best understood and to not assume my view is automatically decoded or even shared. Not everything is quantum in nature for most people and I have to remember this. I guess in my own way, I can struggle with intolerance. This is nothing but awareness to admit and realize…without any ego or agenda to brag or illuminate myself in a boastful manner. This is just my reality and my experience and I know it will continue to be…but I am interested in continuing to broaden my horizons and my communication abilities.

The beginning of the year is the beginning of the year, but psychologically it’s a nice way to highlight or revisit goals, so I will do this and I look forward to that.